Lentamente certamente
Lentamente certamente
Cammino a partire da
quell'vecchio amore disperato e dazed
preso nel labirinto di amore
la mania pazzesca di amore
gli è stato pensato buono
gli è stato pensato reale
gli è stato pensato
ma non era amore
Non so appena
Dove dovrei andare
Così
Lentamente certamente
Cammino a partire da
interessato
undeserving
costantemente danneggiandolo amore
abbandonandolo amore
avete detto ho detto che abbiamo detto
ma
Lentamente certamente
Cammino a partire da
amore confusionario
amore d'abuso
abuso dell'amore
ciò non può essere
Lentamente certamente
Cammino a partire da
interessato
undeserving
costantemente danneggiandolo amore
Non so appena
dove dovrei andare
No
Non so appena
sappia sanno sanno
Dove dovrei andare
così
Lentamente certamente
Cammino a partire da
quell'vecchio amore disperato e dazed
preso nel labirinto di amore
la mania pazzesca di amore
gli è stato pensato buono
gli è stato pensato reale
gli è stato pensato
ma non era amore
Non conosco appena dove andare
Così
Lentamente certamente
Cammino a partire da
Cammino a partire da
Lentamente certamente
Cammino a partire da amore
Oh
lentamente certamente un punto alla volta
ma certamente
Passerò il vecchio amore da parte
ed amilo
I had my first child at 21. I was alone and afraid. My grandmother (my grandparents raised me) died 2 months before I gave birth to my oldest child.
Since that time I feel as though I've made one wrong choice after another.
But I worked and provided as best as I could for my daughter. Her father was not around and wouldn't interact with her because he was angry with me.
I finally started getting my act together when I met someone and started dating him.
Within 6 months time I was pregnant. When we found out I was pregnant he seemed okay with it. But a month later he came to me expressing his desire to abort. But we'd already had the "in the event a pregnancy occurs" discussion and he knew I was very anti-abortion. How ironic is it that I'd just started taking the pill a few week prior to conception?
I moved out of my aunt's house and into a house that he and I rented together. We settled down and tried to make a go of it.
When we moved in together he was still looking for employment so I basically carried us from June until September. He didn't get a job until we broke up in September and he moved from our bedroom into one of the extra bedrooms in the house. At this point I was 6 months pregnant and miserable.
When I had our daughter a few months later, he came with me for the delivery but left after she was born and did not return until 2 days later when we were being released.
He spent minimal time with her during those first few months and never bought her anything. No crib, bassinet, food, diapers, wipes, bottles. Nothing.
I remember I'd come home one day from a weekend at my mother's where he greeted me with a copy of our daughter's birth certificate.
In PA, in order for the father of a child born out of wedlock to be placed on the birth certificate, he must complete an Acknowledgement of Paternity form. Well, when we completed it at the hospital, he filled it out incorrectly and the form was returned to us. In the interim, Vital Statistics sent out a birth certificate with just my name on it. Well, he thought I removed his name from the certificate. Needless to say this turned into a very ugly conversation and at one point he said to me "No woman gets pregnant unless she wants to".
That conversation left me reeling.
Eventually he apologized for accusing me of removing him from the birth certificate but we continued living in the house as strangers.
Then, I returned to work. My first pay was screwed up and I called him and asked him would he be able to by our daughter some items to hold me over until I got paid again.
He told me that he couldn't give me any $ because he was going on a week's vacation and that I would have to wait until he returned.
Can you imagine? I'd never asked him to buy ANYTHING and he couldn't come up with $100 to give to his daughter.... But he could muster up enough money to go visit some woman in Canada.
Did I mention that this was right after he'd received his income tax refund from claiming our daughter? She never saw a dime of it.
But I loved him. Even through all of that, I loved him. And while I was angry, I was mostly angry with myself.
When our lease was up, he moved out.
Eventually, we got back together.
And I allowed him to use me.
Now, we've broken up again. And he is telling me that he won't call his daughter because he doesn't "have time". But yet, he has time to call his friends and his new girlfriend daily.
My heart is breaking. For her, for me and for my oldest daughter because she loved him too.
He doesn't pay child support. My oldest daughter's father pays when he feels like it.
I am working 2 jobs. M-F, 8-5:30 & Sat-Sun, 8:00-6:45. On top of that I am going to school full-time.
I'm being stretched thin. I cry ALL OF THE TIME. I want the pain to stop.
And he's moved on. With a married woman who has three children and still lives with her husband.
All of the signs were there, I chose to ignore them and now my children are paying dearly for my stupidity.
It's funny we've all heard the old adages:
- What you do in the dark comes out in the light.
- It all comes out in the wash.
- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
- You reap what you sow.
- How you get him/her is how you'll lose him/her.
I've heard some really good ones recently:
- If it started shady it will end shady.
- You can't compare platinum to gold dust. That new person will be like gold dust...all sparkly and pretty. But once the wind blows, the dust will blow away.
These are things some of us apply to infidelity or just about anything else that we deem immoral.
Let me tell you a story that I just heard over the weekend. I'm changing the names (well, to be honest I don't actually know the people in this story or their names...) of the people in this story.
There was a man (we'll call him Miles) who was dating a woman, (we'll call her Yvonne). Miles and Yvonne worked together and had been dating for some time. Everyone in the workplace knew about their status. Now here enters Nicole. Nicole worked with Miles and Yvonne. One day while Miles and Yvonne were enjoying lunch together, Nicole walked up to Yvonne and stated loudly (for the entire break room to hear): "Enjoy it while you can, because I'm going to take your man."
I'm sure you can just imagine the gossip surrounding that incident.
According to my sources, not more than three months later, Miles and Nicole were dating. Those two dated and wound up living together for close to five years.
Nicole had a friend, Imani. Imani and Nicole worked together and had been friends long before they were co-workers.
Another of their co-workers caught sight of Imani and Miles canoodling in a nearby park. Of course this person was a friend of Yvonne's and could not wait to return to the office and disclose what she had seen.
Needless to say, Miles and Nicole broke up. Within four months time Miles and Imani were engaged. Subsequently the couple married within a year. Many think that Miles and Imani had been having an affair for years. Miles and Imani now share a child together. As for the state of their union, I am not sure.
But let me pick your brains for a while. If the consensus is if you do something wrong, you pay for it...right? I guess my question will be three-fold.
Nicole got her just desserts for treating Yvonne and her relationship with Miles so disrespectfully. I think we can all agree that she should have seen that coming. She got him dirty, she lost him dirty. Right?
But what about Miles? Does he not pay at all? Does he get away scott free? Or does he pay in other ways.
How does karma work? Do you get back what you've given in the same manner in which you've given it? Or do you get back at the same magnitude that you've given.
For example, you come over my house, eat dinner but once you've left I notice that you've taken all of the leftovers and I don't have any food left in my house? If I do the same to you...that would be you getting back what you've given. But maybe you don't care about food. Maybe you have a secret pantry. So then would karma come back and kick your butt in a different way? And would it necessarily involve me? Maybe it will be someone else/some thing else making you pay for your trangression? And if so, how will you know to attribute it to the wrong you've done me?
Or is there simply no karma, no way of the university correcting wrongs or rewarding rights?
What do you think?
It's been a while now.
I still think about you. Wonder where you are and how you've been.
I wonder how many children you have now and if you're still married.
I mostly wonder why we grew apart.
Seems like a life time ago. I mean, I am your son's godmother. I haven't seen him since he was two. I know he's in good hands. He has you. I keep thinking back to that time...I wonder about when things started to change. I mostly wonder why. Me being who I am, am readily asking "What did I do?"
We've conversed via email one time in the last ten years. You've never seen my oldest child. I'm not sure if you know I have another. You were there for me and me for you. We were great friends once.
Common friends don't seem to know where you are or how you're doing.
Relatives haven't seen you in a long time. I saw your sister a while back; she said you were doing okay.
I remember how young we all were. You were strong. Stronger than I am today. All of that on your plate, with a child. Amazing.
I thought about the brawl on the bridge the other day and had to smile... The thought of “Dance dance dance dance for Jesus” cracks me up everytime. I remembered that crazy ass party at your house that got everyone extremely drunk and the house raided.
I remembered how much I thought I was in love with DW and you were there for me when things fell apart. I remember your support and laughter about RL & RB. I wonder now what you words would have been when I was going through things with WP, RF, CG, JO, JC, AA, AA, DR . I wonder what your thoughts would have been when KW and I had that falling out. I just wish...
Know this: No matter what, we're family. Blood will always be thicker than water. But more than that, you are my friend.
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